How to get your husband's consent to divorce: what to do if he doesn't give it

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The initiative to obtain a divorce can come only from one of the spouses, and if it is the husband, the wife has every right to refuse the divorce. There are two ways to emerge victorious from a situation where a wife does not give a divorce: make every effort to obtain consent or take a wait-and-see approach, because it is impossible to force a person to live in a marriage. If the desire to dissolve the marriage is unshakable, the marriage certificate will be obtained after a longer period of time.

Where can I divorce my wife without her consent?

According to the legislation of the Russian Federation, you can obtain a divorce certificate in 2 ways:

submitting an application to the registry office;
filing a claim in court.

The choice of where to file a divorce depends not on the will of the husband, but on many related factors.

At the registry office

Divorce through the registry office occurs as quickly as possible, no longer than 1 month, however, only couples in which both spouses agree to divorce and do not have common children under 18 years of age will be able to apply to the state registration authorities.

In Art. 19 of the RF IC stipulates exceptional cases when a spouse has the right to divorce in the registry office without his wife. You can submit an application yourself if your spouse is recognized in court:

missing;
incapacitated;
guilty of committing a crime and sentenced to more than 3 years.

Only in these cases, a divorce in the registry office is possible if the wife does not give consent. In other circumstances, it is necessary to go to court.

In a court

You can apply for a divorce to the district (city) court or to a magistrate. Both judicial bodies decide the issue of divorce in the absence of the consent of one of the parties, however, you should contact the magistrate if:

an agreement on children has been concluded or is planned to be drawn up, and questions about the place of residence of minors and the degree of participation in their upbringing are not in doubt;
the couple is not going to divide property whose value exceeds 50 thousand rubles.

The district court hears divorce cases in which:

there is a dispute about children;
the value of the jointly acquired property claimed in the claim for division exceeds 50 thousand rubles.

When choosing a place to file an application, you should take into account: divorce cases that are not burdened with disputes are processed faster. If there is a need to divide property, it is better to declare this in a separate claim, but the issue of the children’s place of residence is resolved in parallel with the divorce.

What to do if your wife does not want to give a divorce

If the wife refuses to divorce, you should find out what caused the refusal. Only by building a constructive dialogue can a quick divorce be achieved, otherwise a long trial cannot be avoided.

Peaceful ways to get a divorce

A husband who is trying to find words to persuade should debunk his wife’s fears associated with divorce:

If the marriage is dissolved, there will be no means of livelihood. The material side of the relationship should not be at the forefront of the union, however, the fear of being left without support is justified on the part of women with children or who are disabled. To obtain consent for a divorce, it is necessary to convince that the deadlines for making payments for the child will be met, to have an agreement on children with the agreed amount of financial support certified by a notary; if the spouse is disabled, pregnant or caring for a disabled child, provide her with information about the possibility of receiving monthly maintenance legally (Article 89 of the RF IC).
Fear of raising children in a single-parent family. With a competent approach to drawing up a settlement agreement, children will not feel the “incompleteness” of the family. It is important to maintain communication between the child and the parent living separately (if this does not pose a threat to his life and health). Living together with strife and conflicts will form a child’s misconception about the family model; he may develop suicidal tendencies, increased cravings for food, apathy, and immersion in the virtual world.
Divorce causes social condemnation. In reality, there are always those who condemn and those who support. According to Rosstat, in 2021 there were 829 divorces per 1,000 marriages, which means that the vast majority of people have been in a similar situation and treat it with understanding.

Communication built in a friendly manner will help you find solutions to a difficult situation. If a compromise cannot be reached, it is necessary to go to court.

File for divorce in court

The husband can personally file for divorce in the magistrate or district court. It is not necessary to notify the other half about this. The spouse will receive a corresponding summons about the date and place of the meeting.

What can a man do to save his family?

If the husband does not want to destroy the relationship and lose the woman he loves, then he should not sit idly by. Since the wife has filed for divorce, it’s time to take decisive action...

What you need to change in yourself

If a man, when his wife wants to divorce, does not understand what to do, the advice of a psychologist will help. The main recommendation is to work on yourself.

Remember, at the beginning of the relationship the spouse was happy with everything? Answer yourself honestly, was your behavior different? If so, then it is necessary to look at the areas that failed . In each case, the problems are individual, but you should work on the most common causes of marriage breakdown:

Surround the woman with care and attention. Perhaps you have stopped trying for your loved one. Give compliments, invite them to restaurants, for walks, give gifts.
Divide household responsibilities. Help your spouse around the house, wash the dishes, buy groceries. Do the best you can. She will be very pleased if you prepare dinner, sit with the children, and at this time let her rest. The best option would be to hire a housekeeper, which is especially important if your loved one works or takes care of children.

Become a man. Give your beloved the opportunity to feel protected and weak. If your family had financial difficulties, then find another job. In addition, do not forget about nice gifts.
When a couple has children, disagreements over parenting may also cause the wife to want a divorce. In this case, you need to use the advice of a psychologist to agree on a general system of education. If you are not involved in the lives of your children, give them attention and care, show your spouse that you can be relied upon.

READ

A selection of ways to return your wife's love if she has fallen out of love

How to melt your loved one's heart

It's time to use the heavy artillery. Women are emotional people, so the best way to achieve reconciliation is to make your spouse fall in love with you again . You need to become an insidious seducer:

Get yourself in order, change your image, go in for sports. A confident man will be able to arouse his wife's interest.
Give unexpected surprises. This could be a serenade, a flash mob, recognition on a billboard or on a page on a social network.
Fulfillment of desires. To win the heart of your beloved wife, you need to remember what she dreamed of and realize what she wanted. Maybe she wanted a fur coat, a bouquet of 100 roses, or a trip to Paris. If you show that you know her dreams, then she will again see you as a close and dear man.

Methods of manipulation

Each partner knows the weak points of their other half. If your wife wants a divorce, but you don’t, then you need to influence her with tricks:

Through children. You need to set up the child, let him demand that mom and dad be together. To do this, you need to spend more time with him and be sad about parting. A more severe way of manipulation is the threat that you will sue the children and your spouse will not be able to give them anything. But such threats will not help make peace with your wife.
Press for pity. This behavior should be used if the girl has a soft character. You need to convince her that you have nowhere to go, you can’t imagine life without her, everything falls out of your hands.
Make her feel guilty. Any person is imperfect, so you can find flaws in him. If you convince a woman that no one needs her except you, then perhaps she will change her mind about getting a divorce out of fear of loneliness.

Please note that manipulation is a temporary solution to preserving a marriage, since without changes in the spouses, divorce is inevitable.

The procedure for divorce in court without the consent of the wife

If the wife does not give a divorce, the man needs to act in the following sequence:

Determine the jurisdiction of the claim. Pay a state fee of 600 rubles. (Clause 1, paragraph 5, Article 333.19 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation). Draw up a claim and attach a receipt for payment of the state duty to it.
Collect the necessary documents.
Go to court. The claim is filed at the place of residence of the defendant (he is the wife), however, if a man is responsible for a minor child or his physical condition does not allow him to come to the place of residence of the defendant, he has the right to file a claim at his place of residence.
Wait until the scheduled court date. As a rule, the trial will take place no earlier than a month after filing the claim. At the court hearing, a decision may not be made immediately due to the absence of the spouse or a petition on her behalf to provide a period for reconciliation. In this case, a repeat meeting is scheduled. There may be several petitions; ultimately, the judge makes a decision at the final meeting.
Wait for the court decision to come into force.
Pay the state fee to the registry office equal to 650 rubles. (Article 333.26 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation), fill out an application in form No. 10, obtain a divorce certificate.

Acting according to the presented algorithm, getting a divorce will not be difficult, but in practice, couples face difficulties that require the intervention of a divorce specialist. If you wish, you can send in your place a representative with the appropriate qualifications, acting on the basis of a power of attorney.

The first problems arise already at the stage of drawing up the statement of claim. If the form and content do not correspond to what is stated in Art. 131 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation standard, the document will be left without consideration or rejected.

How to file a claim for divorce

Preparing a claim to court involves determining the place where it will be filed, the circle of interested parties, identifying the motives for filing the claim and the expected consequences. Then you can start writing the document.

The claim for divorce without a wife contains:

Header (upper right corner), which indicates: place of filing, full name of the plaintiff, defendant, their addresses.
Title of documents.
The essence of the claim. The content stipulates: when the marriage was concluded, whether there are children and a dispute about property (if there is a dispute, the last line in the header indicates the price of the claim), whether the other half agrees and for what reason, what is the reason for the divorce.
The pleading part, in which the husband indicates a desire to dissolve the marriage.
Applications.
Date and signature.

Sample document:

The circumstances must be presented in an accessible and concise manner. All information must be evidentiary, therefore the following documents are attached to the claim:

a copy of the claim for the defendant;
receipt of payment of state duty;
copy of ID;
Marriage certificate;
children's birth certificate.

If, based on the specifics of the case, there are not enough documents, the judge will issue a ruling to return the claim. After modifications, the package can be resubmitted (Article 135 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation).

Divorce in the registry office

As a general rule, it is simply impossible to submit an application to terminate a family relationship to the registry office without the consent of the wife. However, there are three circumstances that allow you to circumvent this limitation:

the presence of a woman in places of imprisonment by a court verdict with a sentence of more than three years;
recognition of the wife as incompetent;
recognition of the wife as missing.

Each of these circumstances must be properly confirmed by a court decision (sentence), which has entered into force and certified by the seal of the court. This document will need to be provided to the civil registry office employee when filing an application for divorce.

The following is submitted to the registry office at the place of residence of the divorcing spouse or at the place of marriage registration:

Application in the prescribed form (form No. 9);
Marriage certificate;
Passport;
Receipt for payment of a fee in the amount of 350 rubles;
Judgment or sentence.

After the application is accepted, verification of documents (as well as notification of the imprisoned wife) will take one month, after which the man will be able to unilaterally receive a certificate of termination of family relations.

Read more about the procedure for divorcing an imprisoned spouse here.

How can a wife extend the divorce period?

If a woman is interested in continuing the marriage, she will make every effort to delay the process as much as possible. As practice shows, such actions rarely lead to a man’s refusal to divorce. The most common manipulations that women resort to are: failure to appear in court, petition for reconciliation, manipulation of paternal feelings in order to prevent divorce.

Note! There is no law in law that allows a woman to permanently prohibit divorce. The process can be delayed, but if desired, the man will implement his plans, despite the disagreement of the other half.

Consequences of a wife's failure to appear in court

An important point in preparing for the trial is notifying the parties involved in the case about the place and date of the hearing. In accordance with Art. 113 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation, the wife is notified of the need to participate in the process by summons, registered letter with notification, telephone message or other means of communication. The fact of receipt of the notice is documented. If the wife refuses to accept the document, she will be considered notified (Article 117 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation). This is important because if the wife fails to appear, the judge will have grounds to issue a ruling on proceedings in absentia.

If the wife fails to appear, the judge may postpone the case or consider it, despite the absence of the wife, but for this there must be reliable data that the other half did not apply to postpone the case for a good reason and was notified on time of the date and place of the hearing.

To prevent a second re-examination of the case, it is common in judicial practice to postpone the date of divorce proceedings. In case of 2 absences at the 3rd meeting, the judge dissolves the marriage.

Example. The magistrate of precinct No. 2 of Chernogorsk considered the case of divorce between plaintiff A. and defendant G. Representative A. filed a claim with the court, indicating that the relationship between the spouses had been terminated and reconciliation was impossible. G.'s wife did not appear at the meeting, and she received the notice. The judge considered that the defendant’s behavior indicated an unwillingness to preserve the union and made a decision to dissolve the marriage and collect a state fee from G. in the amount of 600 rubles. in favor of the plaintiff.

Wife's petition for reconciliation of the parties

A spouse who disagrees with the divorce may petition for reconciliation. The judge, guided by Art. 22 of the RF IC, often meets halfway, otherwise the wife will be able to file an appeal to higher authorities and complain that the judge did not take measures aimed at preserving the marriage.

The maximum period allowed for reconciliation is 3 months. If new circumstances of the case arise, you can repeatedly ask for time for reconciliation, but in total the period cannot exceed 3 months.

Example. The district court of Krasnoyarsk considered the case of the divorce of the plaintiff S. from the defendant L. The plaintiff asked for a divorce, since in fact the relationship was terminated 7 years ago, the plaintiff was raising an illegitimate 3-year-old daughter and wanted to remarry. L. refused to grant a divorce and petitioned for a period of reconciliation. The judge granted her request, allocating 2 months for a final clarification of the relationship. Neither the defendant nor her legal representative appeared at the 2nd meeting. The representative applied for a postponement, but her arguments were not considered convincing, and the defendant did not appear at the meeting and did not bother to find another representative, so the judge considered her behavior irresponsible, indicating an abuse of her rights. The marriage between the spouses was dissolved.

Divorce terms if the wife does not agree

The more claims a wife has during a divorce, the longer it will last. In the registry office, a couple without children is divorced in 1 month, and a divorce in court will take at least 2 months from the moment the claim is filed until the decision on divorce comes into force. If we add to this period 3 months for reconciliation of the parties, requests to postpone the hearing for a valid reason, the divorce process will drag on for up to six months. Divorce proceedings, complicated by the division of property and disputes about children, may last even longer due to the need to attract expert appraisers and conduct psychological or genetic examinations.

Through the court

So, it will not be possible to get a divorce through the registry office - the wife does not consent to the divorce or evades the divorce procedure, and there are no grounds for unilateral divorce. You will have to file for divorce in court. Let's look at the process procedure.

Which court should I file for divorce in?

Divorce cases are heard by the Magistrates' Court. But if the divorce process is complicated by disputes about children or property, it is considered by the district court.

According to the rules of territorial jurisdiction, it is necessary to file for divorce in court at the place of residence of the defendant. If husband and wife live together, there are no problems. But if the wife lives separately, the husband will have to find out the exact place of residence and submit documents to the appropriate judicial authority.

Required documents

First of all, a correctly drawn up statement of claim for divorce. The further course of the case and the result of its consideration depend on how legally competent, convincing and reliable the claim is drawn up.

Expert opinion

Dmitry Nosikov

Lawyer. Specialization: family and housing law.

The statement of claim consists of three main parts. The first is formal, contains the name of the court, surnames, first names and patronymics of the spouses, their dates of birth, their residential addresses, and information about children. The second part is descriptive: when the marriage was concluded, how family affairs are nowadays, for what reasons the marriage should be dissolved, evidence and arguments for the husband’s position. It must be indicated that the wife does not consent to the divorce, so the husband is forced to go to court. You should also indicate how the issue of children and property of the spouses will be resolved. The third part is the petition, containing a request for divorce on the basis of the law. The claim ends with a signature and indication of the date of preparation.

An integral part of the statement of claim is the appendices to it:

a copy of the statement of claim with documents - for the wife;
Marriage certificate;
copy of passport (or other document);
copies of children's birth certificates;
other documents confirming the circumstances of the case (for example, income certificates, characteristics);
receipt of payment of duty.

You can learn more about filing a statement of claim and its annexes in the article “Application for divorce to court. Sample".

Question. How to divorce my wife if she does not give consent, refuses to submit a general application to the registry office, hides documents from me. We have been living separately with her for several months now. There are no children, no common property.
Answer. You need to contact the registry office to obtain a duplicate of the marriage certificate, and then file a claim with the magistrate’s court at your wife’s place of residence. Her disagreement is not an obstacle to divorce.

Divorce proceedings without the consent of the spouse

The statement of claim with attachments is submitted to the court, and a copy of it is sent to the wife. If the documents are drawn up correctly, the court accepts them for processing and considers them within 1 month from the date of filing. Spouses are notified of the date and time of the first court hearing by summons.

At the court hearing, the case materials are considered and the arguments of the spouses are heard. As a rule, the wife’s categorical disagreement with the divorce is the basis for assigning a reconciliation period - from 1 to 3 months , at the discretion of the court. If after completion of this period the court determines that saving the family is impossible, a decision on divorce is made.

If the spouses do not appeal the court decision within 1 month, it will enter into legal force. To complete the divorce procedure, you need to submit an extract from the court decision to the registry office and enter information about the divorce in the civil registry books.

Read more about the progress of the proceedings in the article “Dissolution of marriage in court: divorce procedure.”

How long does a divorce take without the spouse's consent?

As you can see, the court dissolves the marriage even in the absence of the wife’s consent. From the moment of filing the application until the receipt of the divorce certificate, it takes from 2 to 5 months.

However, a wife who disagrees with the divorce may affect the length of the trial. Failure to appear at a court hearing, a request for a period for reconciliation, an appeal of a court decision - all this can delay the divorce process for several months.

To avoid setting a reconciliation period, the statement of claim must refer to the circumstances due to which reconciliation is impossible: immoral behavior, bad habits of the wife. These circumstances can be proven with the help of documents or testimony.

To prevent the court hearing from being postponed due to the wife's failure to appear, it is necessary to notify her of the date and time of the hearing. If the wife, duly notified, fails to appear at the hearing three times, the marriage will be dissolved in her absence.

Also read “Time limits for divorce through court”.

Expert opinion

Semyon Frolov

Lawyer. 7 years of experience. Specialization: family, inheritance, housing law.

Question. The wife does not consent to the divorce. I threw away the copies of documents and summons received from the court. He is not going to appear at court hearings. Is it possible to divorce your wife without her presence? How long will it take?

Answer. Your wife’s lack of consent to the divorce and deliberate failure to appear at the court hearing will not be a reason for refusing to consider your application and making a decision on divorce. Moreover, the court can make a decision on divorce without her presence if she misses a court hearing three times without a good reason (Article 167 of the Code of Civil Procedure of the Russian Federation).

When is a divorce not granted without the wife's consent?

According to the law (Article 17 of the RF IC), a man will be refused to accept an application for divorce without the consent of his wife in the following cases:

wife is pregnant;
the common adopted or natural child is under 1 year of age;
the newborn died within a year of birth.

A man can file for divorce only a year after the birth of the baby.

Attention! Divorce in these cases is possible if the initiator is the wife or she gives written consent to the divorce.

Reasons why women want to end their marriage

If a wife filed for divorce, it means she had good reasons for this. Girls tend to maintain their marriage as long as possible. Although modern women are less dependent on men and can take care of themselves, they still strive to be in official relationships, especially if there is a child in the family. What reasons force a spouse to take drastic measures and file for divorce?

READ How to return your wife to the family if she filed for divorce: advice from a psychologist

Why women used to file for divorce less often

People have divorced at all times. The Earth God Geb divorced the Sky Goddess Nut. Ivan the Terrible sent his wives to the monastery. Anna Karenina's husband wanted to divorce her. In Rus' in the 11th century, divorce was punishable by the ruble. It was forbidden for people to separate if someone in the couple got sick, when the wife beat her husband. Only men could have reasons for divorce; women did not have the right to leave their spouse.

From the beginning of the 18th century, during the reign of Peter I, only the church could grant divorce for adultery, so people had to throw mud at each other in order to dissolve a marriage. Then there were “letters of divorce”, which had no legal force, but justified the separation of the spouses to society. In 1897, for every 1,000 married men, there was 1 divorced man. It was more difficult for a woman to remarry and find a source of income.

After the October Revolution of 1917, a law on divorce was adopted; divorce was permitted with a unilateral application from the spouse. The church lost its right to separate couples; it was given to local courts. Since 1926, divorce has been possible in the registry office without the obligatory presence of the second spouse. During the USSR, the personal life of the family was in full view of everyone, disagreements were discussed at party meetings. Rare divorces were explained by economic considerations.

Now in Russian legislation there is no concept of divorce; instead, the term “divorce” is used. It can be done through the registry office or court if there are common children.

Behavioral reasons

This category includes a woman’s disagreement with her husband’s lifestyle, actions or actions.

READ How to understand that it’s time to divorce your husband: is it worth leaving a man

That is, a man, by his behavior, makes his wife want to get a divorce. The most common reasons:

Alcoholism and drug addiction. If a husband abuses alcohol, this leads to constant quarrels that affect the mutual understanding of the spouses. Drug addiction changes a man's personality for the worse.
The man withdrew from help and provision . All household issues, taking care of children and home are taken upon by the woman, even when she is working. The husband is in creative search or lying on the couch. The wife wants to self-actualize and devote time to herself.
Frequent conflicts and quarrels. A man who claims that he often quarrels with his wife simply does not want to take responsibility and share it in half with his other half. Each person chooses his own behavior tactics.
Misunderstanding. Between spouses there is no ability to hear each other, to negotiate, they are deprived of effective communication skills. Misunderstandings may concern the basic values and behavior patterns of a person in a family.
Treason. Most often, women forgive infidelity, but decide to divorce if their husband has regular or long-term extramarital affairs. The wife stops trusting her partner; she thinks all the time about the presence of a third person. In order to deal with the cause of betrayal, trust should be established in the couple.

Material reasons

We are not talking about the fact that a woman got married because of material gain or her husband’s condition, and in the absence of expensive cars and diamonds she immediately files for divorce. Financial difficulties are limited to the following points:

Lack of necessary things to ensure a sufficient standard of living.
Lack of own housing, when a man does not care about providing comfortable living conditions. Disagreements for this reason are quite understandable.
Husband's debts. The practice of a man taking out loans or borrowing money is common. Since, according to the law, debts fall on both spouses, the wife wants to dissolve the marriage.
Loss of performance. The spouse stops providing for the family due to health reasons or because of his own reluctance.

Psychological reasons

This is the most common group.

Psychological discomfort leads to impossible cohabitation between people who were previously in love:

Sexual problems arise from the inability to understand each other's desires. According to sexologists, the intimate life of every couple can easily improve if they balance their expectations and needs. But more often than not, spouses cannot find a way out of the situation and gradually move away.
Love has passed. At the beginning of the relationship, both partners try, the man gives the woman flowers and gifts, and makes surprises. But after marriage everything disappears, the wife becomes just a service staff. Gray everyday life forces a woman to decide on a divorce.
Jealousy. The husband constantly doubts his wife’s fidelity, creates scenes and turns into a tyrant. A showdown can take place in a state of alcoholic intoxication and turn into a rough scene with insults, humiliation and assault. He constantly torments his wife, so we can safely put an end to it.
Irritation. The husband infuriates his wife for various reasons: the wife is mired in family routine, discrepancy in views and interests, complete misunderstanding by the husband, lack of his help, constant accusations, criticism. The spouse is annoyed by her partner's habits. They can't even just communicate on ordinary topics. All this leads to the fact that he begins to irritate his wife, and it becomes unbearable to be around him.

My wife won't let me see my child - what to do if you're not divorced?

During a divorce, the following issues are resolved: with whom the minor will live, how often will the separated parent see the child. If the trial has not taken place, the issues about the children have not been resolved, the wife should not prohibit seeing her son or daughter, thereby limiting the freedom of the child and infringing on his right to communicate with the second parent and other relatives: grandparents, aunts and others (Article 55 RF IC).

The wife's illegal actions must be stopped. The father needs to contact the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, stating that his wife does not allow him to see the children, although in accordance with Art. 61 of the RF IC, parents have equal rights and responsibilities.

When filing an application for divorce, it is necessary to file a claim with the court for participation in raising the child.

The application is drawn up in accordance with the general rules. It must indicate:

details of the parties (plaintiff, defendant, court, guardianship and trusteeship authorities);
in the main part, state the essence of the problem, indicating when the relationship was terminated, justify the illegality of the spouse’s actions;
in the petition, state in detail the desired order of communication with the child;
the list of attachments should include: copies of claims according to the number of interested parties; marriage certificate, birth certificate of a child; evidence of the father’s trustworthiness and his interest in raising the child (characteristics from work, witness statements).

If the wife cannot prove that the husband’s behavior is immoral and he is capable of causing psychological trauma or physical pain to the child, the court will protect the interests of the husband and, taking into account the conclusions of the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, will make a positive decision on the claim.

If the wife does not give a divorce, and all the arguments indicate in favor of breaking up the relationship, going to court is inevitable. You must first make efforts to resolve the issue peacefully and then notify the judge about this. Then it will become obvious that there is no need to give a period for reconciliation.

Do not despair if your wife ignores the subpoenas. The judge will be convinced that the wife is not interested in defending her position; absence without a good reason will become a reason for divorce without the wife.

An objective assessment of the situation is often hampered by a depressed emotional state and ignorance of the laws. Lawyers from the website ros-nasledstvo.ru will help guide the process in the right direction. With competent legal assistance, a divorce without a wife will be obtained in the shortest possible time.

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