Why do people often get divorced?

When filing a claim to terminate a marriage, the plaintiff is required to write a reason for divorce only if the defendant does not agree to voluntarily end the marital relationship with the plaintiff.

The most typical examples of reasons for divorce that are indicated in the statement of claim are:

• Lack of respect and love for the other spouse.
• Treason.
• Reluctance of the wife or husband to work.
• Beatings.
• Sexual problems.
• Various types of addictions, for example, alcoholism, gambling addiction.
• Mismatch of characters, habits and lifestyle.

Main reasons for justifying divorce

Thanks to clear and specific formulations of the reasons for divorce in the statement of claim, the interested spouse can achieve a significant change in the period for reconciliation towards its reduction or even the judge’s refusal to grant it.

To avoid difficulties in drawing up the correct wording, you must adhere to the following rules:

• Avoiding any emotion in her text.
• Prohibition on the use of slang and colloquial words.
• It should be concise and not overloaded with excessive details.
• You need to use words that clearly describe the situation and avoid being vague in your text.

Below are examples of the wording of the most common reasons for divorce.

Cheating on one of the spouses

According to statistical information, 19% of marriages cease to exist due to infidelity. In terms of frequency of mention, this basis for annulment of marriage is in 2nd place.

There is no need to describe in the claim document all the details that became known to the applicant about the infidelity of another participant in the marriage. It is enough to refer to the fact of the spouse’s infidelity. It will be very helpful if the plaintiff’s words at the meeting are confirmed by witnesses.

As an example, here are the 2 most typical formulations used by applicants:

1. The husband (wife) does not even think about giving up accusations of infidelity. This circumstance is an obstacle to the continuation of family life, since it has no further meaning.
2. I caught my husband (wife) cheating. He (she) does not deny this fact. I see no point in continuing the marital relationship.

Confirmed cases of physical violence

In the application you need to write the following sample wording: “My husband has repeatedly used physical violence against me. The child sees the spouse’s inappropriate behavior, and this circumstance negatively affects his psychological well-being.”

To achieve an immediate divorce at the first meeting, words alone will not be enough. It will be necessary to collect evidence proving the inappropriate behavior of the spouse. Such evidence is considered:

• Witness's testimonies.
• A document from the medical organization where the victim was examined for beatings.
• Materials from the police, for example, from an instituted criminal case, or a statement from the injured spouse, or an extract from the duty officer’s log about calling a warrant to the house.
• Documents from a narcologist or psychiatrist, if the husband (wife) is registered with one of them.

Personal motives

Currently, according to statistics, they are the leaders among all reasons for divorce. They account for about 40% of completed marital relationships.

Personal reasons for divorce in a statement of claim are usually:

1. Dislike for the other spouse.
2. Fading feeling of love for husband (wife).
3. Loss of respect for your spouse.
4. Persistent pushing by the husband (wife) of his views on family relationships.

5. 
   Differences in character and worldview. For example, the husband is an active person with a sought-after profession, wants to work in a foreign company and intends to submit an application for a work visa. At the same time, the wife is passive by nature and is content with little, so she does not want to change her life and go abroad with her husband.

6. Exposing deception, for example, when a woman deliberately became pregnant before marriage in order to force a man to marry her.

Standard formulations used by applicants to justify the grounds for divorce include:

• I have lost love and respect for my husband (wife), which are the basis of family relationships. I believe that further life together is impossible.
• I have a deep dislike for my spouse and believe that this circumstance is a serious obstacle to continuing the relationship.
• The unwillingness to give in and find a compromise forces me to demand a divorce.
• The fading of mutual feelings led to the fact that we decided to end the marital relationship.
• My husband and I look at the problems of raising our children differently. Continuing married life, in my opinion, will negatively affect the development of the child.

Domestic disagreements

These reasons include:

1. Addiction to alcohol or drugs.
2. Excessive waste of time on computer games.
3. Addiction to gambling and sports betting.
4. A frivolous attitude towards common property, expressed in an unwillingness to monitor its condition and repair it if necessary.
5. Behavior that is contrary to moral standards.
6. Reluctance to help your spouse at home and take on some of the household responsibilities.

The reasons for the end of the marriage relationship and the corresponding phrases that the applicants write in the claim document are reflected in the table.

Material bases

Most often, the applicant indicates financial difficulties as a reason if:

• 
  The marriage partner does not contribute to the overall budget due to lack of work or due to a simple reluctance to make money in other ways.

• The spouse does not provide even the minimum needs of family members.
• The spouse, due to personality traits or addiction, wastes the money he earns.

The problem can be formulated in the claim document in the following ways:

1. The husband does not want to work and does not make any effort to find income. Thus, he puts his wife and children in a difficult financial situation. I insist on ending the marital relationship.
2. The spouse is overly passionate about (insert the name of the hobby) and spends most of the money he earns on it. This leads to the fact that the remaining finances are not enough to cover the needs of family members. I consider such behavior irresponsible and threatening the financial well-being of the family. I insist on divorce.

Reasons for divorce

There are many reasons for breaking up a relationship. Divorce from his wife is one of the most difficult experiences for a man. Here, not only does a long-term relationship collapse, but trust is also lost. The most natural reaction is a feeling of all-encompassing mental pain. Let's take a closer look at the reasons for what is happening. It is worth understanding them to prevent complications.

READ

A selection of ways to return your wife's love if she has fallen out of love

Treason

When a woman suddenly finds a lover, the very fact hits her self-esteem painfully. With the news of infidelity comes disappointment. It seems like it will never get better. Cheating becomes a stumbling block for many couples. Not every partner is able to forgive their other half for such a moment. A man can become so upset that he no longer controls his feelings. Insults, blackmail, accusations, and discontent are used.

Treason is a serious reason for dissolving a union.

Losing interest in each other

When love passes, people feel like they have become strangers. There is no longer a desire to overcome obstacles or set goals. Partners can come to this ending as a result of unjustified efforts and disappointments. Sometimes it is enough to systematically listen to refusals. Feelings of loneliness in marriage are not uncommon. Sometimes people, being under the same roof, remain barely acquaintances. The big problem is the reluctance to solve problems together.

Empty nest syndrome

Sometimes people who have raised children suddenly realize that they have no reason to stay together anymore. They have already fulfilled their parental duty. An emptiness settles in the soul, a feeling of wasted years appears. Dissatisfaction is growing every day. Often partners begin to blame each other. At such moments, it seems that there is no longer any point in staying together. Empty nest syndrome is a difficult experience for both partners. Some people can’t stand it and prefer to break up.

Features of maintaining privacy of personal life in divorce proceedings

If the main motive for ending a marriage is the sexual problems of the spouses, for example, sexual perversions of one of them or sexual disharmony, then often the participant in the marriage who suffers because of this is afraid to initiate a divorce. As a rule, the interested person abandons his intentions due to fear of publicity of juicy details of his personal life.

In this situation, we can advise you to do the following:

• You do not need to write the whole truth in your application. It is enough to limit yourself to a general phrase, for example, “preserving the marital relationship is not possible, since I no longer feel a feeling of love for my husband (wife).”
• At the preliminary hearing, you must ask the judge to order a closed trial. As a rule, the court agrees with this request. This will prevent strangers from appearing in court who will not be able to find out the unpleasant details of married life. In addition, the presence of witnesses is not allowed at a closed meeting, since after questioning they will be asked to leave the room.

Arbitrage practice

The case was heard in the Leninsky District Court of Samara in May 2017.

The plaintiff in her application asked the judge hearing the case to end her marriage with her husband, determine the place of residence of their common minor daughter and divide joint property. They did not enter into an agreement on the division of assets.

The disputed property turned out to be funds that were on deposit in banking institutions. These deposits were opened in the name of the defendant. The plaintiff intended to sue half of the money placed on these deposits.

As for the daughter’s place of residence, the wife asked the court to leave the child with her.

In turn, the defendant filed counterclaims in which:

1. He demanded to end the marriage with the plaintiff.
2. He wanted to leave his young daughter with him.
3. I wanted to claim alimony allowance for my daughter from my wife.

A representative from the guardianship authority petitioned the judge that the girl should be left with her mother.

Having examined the materials of the divorce case, the judge came to the following conclusions:

• Taking into account the impossibility of preserving the family, since both parties to the process insist on divorce, the court decided to end the marital relationship between the defendant and the plaintiff.
• The girl must be left to be raised by her mother, since she has a more trusting relationship with the plaintiff than with her father. In addition, based on the results of the conversation with the child, the court found out that she was comfortable being with the plaintiff and she agreed to continue living with her.
• Due to the fact that the daughter will live with the plaintiff, the defendant’s alimony demands cannot be satisfied.
• Since the deposits in the banking organization were opened during the period of cohabitation of the spouses, the money placed on them is recognized as the joint property of the parties to the process and must be divided equally between them.

Main reasons for divorce

There are many reasons for divorce and they vary. But the plaintiff does not have to paint a colorful picture of his dissatisfaction with family life. Moreover, it is not advisable to state this in an official document (and such is a claim for divorce).

You can talk about the painful problem to a psychologist or, as a last resort, at a court hearing, but standard wording is suitable for making a statement. Depending on the nature of the problem, they are divided into several types:

1. Personal.
2. Household.
3. Financial.
4. Intimate.

However, one phrase cannot do this, and the court still needs to explain the essence of the problem so as not to raise unnecessary questions, but to clearly argue its position.

Personal reasons

This category includes motives based on the applicant’s worldview and personal feelings. This is the famous “they didn’t get along”, “we ran into fundamental disagreements”, “feelings cooled down”, etc.

In general, all personal reasons can be justified by the provision from the RF IC (Article 1): “...Family legislation is based on the need to strengthen the family, build family relationships on feelings of mutual love and respect, mutual assistance and responsibility to the family of all its members...”.

The wording “lack of mutual love, respect and support” can express all personal reasons for divorce - from the loss of tender feelings for a spouse to more piquant ones that the plaintiff prefers not to disclose.

Options:

1. Reluctance to continue the marriage relationship due to irreconcilable conflicts (the essence of the disputes may not be indicated, but in court it should be explained that they occur, regardless of the reason).
2. Lack of grounds for building a joint family.
3. Indifference of the spouse to the personal life and interests of the plaintiff.

Personal reasons can be used to justify the desire for divorce in absolutely any situation, because no one has the right to forcibly keep one of the spouses in marriage. However, this category of reasons is the least solid and in some cases the judge may postpone the decision by assigning the spouses a period for reconciliation (up to three months).

Household

Indicating everyday reasons makes the problem more specific. These include:

• addictions of the defendant (any kind of addiction);
• failure to participate in family affairs (raising common children, housekeeping, etc.);
• aggressive behavior of the spouse (both towards the plaintiff and his children).

When presenting motives of a domestic nature, you should adhere to the following recommendations:

1. Avoid unfounded accusations. When referring to alcoholism, drug addiction (other psychological addiction) or beatings, it is important to understand that these facts will have to be confirmed by certificates from a psycho-neurological clinic or emergency room. Otherwise, the plaintiff may be held liable for libel.
2. Strive for objectivity. The problem that caused the divorce should be clear to others. This distinguishes everyday grounds from personal ones, which can be subjective and based on the plaintiff’s feelings. Therefore, if you want to focus on everyday disagreements, you should explain what exactly he is not satisfied with living together with his spouse and what actions he violates the comfortable everyday life of the family.
3. Indicate significant motives. “Throws socks around,” “doesn’t wash the dishes,” or “cooks poorly” is unlikely to be a valid justification for divorce. And, if this is really the reason for ending the marriage for the applicant, in the “Reasons” column one should refer to personal reasons.

Examples of presentation of everyday reasons for divorce:

1. The spouse evades the responsibilities of raising joint children (this means serious reasons - he does not spend time with the children, does not respond to requests, does not care or look after them even in cases of special need).
2. The husband or wife is engaged exclusively in their own affairs, ignoring the interests and needs of the family.
3. Marriage became a burden due to the dependent spouse.
4. Lifestyle (full name of the defendant) interferes with a comfortable environment in the family.
5. The spouse uses psychological/physical violence against family members.

Taking into account the severity of the domestic problem and the degree of anxiety that the plaintiff experiences, the judge can make a decision on divorce as soon as possible, without assigning time for reflection. But it is not recommended to deliberately exaggerate the situation - this risks turning the case into a completely different direction that is undesirable for the plaintiff.

Financial

Material well-being is the basis of existence and a healthy microclimate in the family. Prolonged financial difficulties can ruin almost any relationship, especially if one of the spouses provoked it through irresponsible behavior.

Extravagance, reluctance to work, lack of contribution to the family budget or a “rich” credit history are valid reasons for ending a marriage with an unreliable companion as soon as possible.

Moreover, if there is evidence and compelling arguments, the plaintiff responsible for the waste of family assets may be deprived of rights to jointly acquired property or significantly reduce its share. Similarly, the applicant in a divorce case has the right to exclude his participation in the repayment of debts that the defendant incurred during the marriage.

Read more about the division of spouses' debts

Financial reasons for divorce can be formulated as follows:

1. The husband (wife) brought the family’s financial situation into decline with his excessive spending and complete lack of investments.
2. The husband refuses to fulfill the obligation to support his wife, who is on leave to care for their common child (from the moment she went or was supposed to go on leave until the child turns three years old).*
3. The defendant took out a loan, spent the borrowed money on personal needs and shifted the burden of repayment to the plaintiff.
4. The husband/wife does not work anywhere and lives at the plaintiff’s expense, or does not earn enough to provide for themselves and their common children (except in cases where the defendant is disabled for good reasons).

* - A claim for divorce during the wife’s pregnancy and within a year after the birth of the child is satisfied only if she became the initiator. If a divorce petition is filed, the judge may suggest that she postpone the divorce proceedings and instead file for alimony. If this is not in the interests of the woman, she has the right to “strengthen” the claim and indicate in it additional reasons (personal, domestic or other nature).

intimate

Sexual incompatibility is one of the common reasons for the end of a marital union. But talking about such a problem publicly is not acceptable for everyone. And the law does not oblige the plaintiff to do this.

An overly frank circumstance can be replaced with a standard wording that reflects the personal motives for divorce.

However, some situations require showing all the cards. This, first of all, concerns the partner’s extreme hobbies, as well as those that pose a real danger to the applicant and/or others.

Covering intimate details is not the direct responsibility of the spouse. But this can play into the hands of resolving related disputes, for example, about who the children will remain with after the divorce, or about increasing financial claims (the injured spouse may demand material compensation for moral damage or changing the terms of the marriage contract to more favorable ones).

Mention of an intimate reason is necessary in the case where one of the spouses concealed the presence of a sexually transmitted disease or HIV infection before marriage. Only in this case is it advisable to file a claim to declare the marriage invalid, since in accordance with paragraph 3 of Art. 15 of the RF IC, this is a direct basis for the annulment of official marital relations from the moment of their registration.

If, in order to most fully satisfy the claims, it is necessary to indicate the intimate motives for the divorce, to ensure maximum confidentiality, the plaintiff or defendant (their representatives) have the right to file a petition for a closed hearing of the case. If it is satisfied, no outsiders will be allowed to attend the meeting, including relatives of the couple.